False Starts Naruto
by Diresquirrel
Summary: This is a series of ideas and blips that started out, but I wasn't ever able to fully flesh out. Some good, some not so good, but most have a silly side to them. All focus on the Naruto 'verse, specifically on the manga.
1. Dakka no Jutsu

**Dakka No Jutsu**

Mizuki, Naruto had decided, was a totally putz. Spouting off stupidity like that, and come to find out, it would probably get him killed. Why would someone do something like that?

Well, when dealing with a person like Mizuki, it was natural that Naruto beat him up when he hurt Iruka. But it was a big surprise when Iruka had given him the man's own forehead protector. He had passed! Kage Bushin all the way!

There had been a tense situation when Naruto had stood before the Hokage to explain himself, but it seemed like the blonde boy was off the hook. It wasn't until later that night that Naruto remembered the scroll that had popped out of the larger scroll and Naruto had tucked into his pocket. He hadn't meant to keep it, but it just worked out that way, and now it was his. Finder's Keeper's, right?

So there he was, alone in his apartment looking at the scroll. Ends up this Dakka No Jutsu wasn't just a ninjutsu scroll, it was a scroll to a whole new style of fighting: Long, _long_ ranged fighting. And it was all based around this strange pipe and seal combination and a few D- and E-rank techniques to shape metal into little bits that looked a lot like almond seeds with the butt end cut off. The only problem was that these Dakka pieces needed to have a steady supply of metal, but that could be problematic as not every place a ninja would venture would have a steady supply.

He had a week before he had to go for his team assignment. That meant he had that long to master this fighting style, and Naruto was completely convinced that he could do so. He _was_ going to be the next Hokage, after all. And so Naruto set to work, put his nose to the grindstone and studied.

...And failed. The shaping, not an actual elemental jutsu, was more of a chakra control exercise, allowing it to be precisely made. And Naruto sucked at chakra control exercises. This wasn't for lack of trying. For most people, Chakra Control was like being taught to swim in the shallow end of the pool before gradually paddling to the deep end. Low chakra reserves allowed for more precise control and chakra reserves grew alongside increasing chakra control as the ninja became more exerienced. For Naruto, chakra control was like tossing someone who'd lived in the desert all their lives into the ocean and telling them to swim across it to the next continent underwater without coming up for air except on the third full moon of every leap year. Needless to say, this proved to be a little bit of a problem.

And so, Naruto came up with an alternative. He used the designs in the scroll to make his own. He used a pipe that used to be part of his broken sink as the barrel. He found an old rusty cigar tin to use as the magazine, an old, heavily blunted kunai for the firing piece, an old table leg he found in the rubbish bin outside his apartment, and a few other bits and pieces here and there to cobble together something like the tool illustrated in the Dakka no jutsu scroll. On the "firing piece" he drew a crude, barely acceptable explosive seal, which was then scratched into the metal with a nail. The result was a hideous monstrosity of pure function over fashion that would probably explode the first chance it got. However, the ammunition was more difficult.

Naruto tried many things, but none of them worked. He tried carved wood ammunition, but that just exploded in the barrel. He tried balled up paper, but that just started on fire and made smoke pour out the barrel. Rocks just flew every which way without even coming close to the target, and would often get stuck, forcing Naruto to re-rifle the barrel all over again. And so, he came to a solution that has served many a Naruto in many different incarnations: Kage Bushin, Kage Bushin, Kage Bushin, Kage Bushin. For Naruto, it was dreadfully easy to transform his shadow clones into the tiny metal bullets that were propelled down the barrel at exceedingly high speed and hit things far away.

He also discovered that he could see things that the Clone-unition saw once the clone was dispersed. This allowed him to see exactly what he was hitting.

This was rarely the actual intended target.

In fact, the abomination Naruto had created was not remotely consistent in its trajectory and would often hit around the target, in at least the same general direction, however, precision was not something this would be using any time soon. It did, however, have a very satisfying ability to obliterate trees with his clone bullets. Now if only he could hit what he was aiming at.

* * *

After a week of practice, it was finally time for teams to be assigned. As Naruto and his classmates hung out waiting for their teacher, their instructor was with the Hokage in Naruto's apartment.

"So this is the place?" Kakashi asked.

"Yes indeed," Sarutobi replied. "Naruto is a very hard worker, but requires a firm hand to guide him. He acts out, but there is real talent in him just waiting to come out."

"This milk is bad," Kakashi said half to himself as he picked up the offending carton before glancing at the rest of Naruto's project displayed on the table. "Looks like he's following in his parents' footsteps."

"Hmm?" asked the Hokage as he turned to look at the failed attempts at exploding tags on the counter. "I didn't know he was working with seals. And inscribing them on kunai is a novel idea, so long as you remember which ones have the seals. Prevents enemies from expecting the explosion. See, an example of his hidden depths."

"What's with the modern art?" Kakashi asked, pointing towards the monstrosity Naruto had built during the previous week. The Hokage was equally baffled.

"Every ninja needs a hobby?" the older man suggested.

* * *

"So you'd better come at me with intent to kill," Kakashi finished the next day. He got the expected "but we don't want to hurt you" response that he got at least once every time he failed...er..._tested_...a genin team.

"Alright!" Naruto said, charging off into the bushes before the jonin could say "start." Kakashi let him go.

"Begin!"

Naruto hid in the shadows, tucking himself down low to the ground. Gone was his orange jumpsuit and underneath was a camouflage bodysuit with a mask that had forest debris stuck to it at strange angles to break up the outline of his body. Shimmying along the ground, Naruto got to a good vantage point and called his clones to act as ammunition. Then he took careful aim at the jonin lazily flipping the pages of his porno.

The next thing Kakashi knew, a Naruto was flying out of the bushes, apparently appearing out of thin air with a great BANG! that echoed throughout the training ground. The Naruto was moving so fast Kakashi barely had enough time to replace himself with a log that was shattered by the raw force of Naruto's blow.

As the clone vanished into smoke from the force of it hitting the log, Kakashi sweated slightly. THAT certainly wasn't in the boy's file. It wasn't long before more Narutos started appearing in an arch preceded by a series of sharp BANGs that echoed once more. Trees were obliterated where they struck. Sakura's scream could be heard as she narrowly avoided being crushed by a branch.

"Sorry Sakura-chan!" Naruto called out, giving away his position. Kakashi appeared behind him, unfortunately stepping on a branch, giving Naruto time to spin around and point the familiar piece of modern art at the jonin's body. Luckily for Kakashi, no one using the contraption could have hit the broad side of a barn, even at that range, and therefore survived. Naruto was, however, able to shoot a clone-bullet right into the meaty part of Kakashi's thigh. Since it didn't have time to transform back into a person, the bullet went right through the leg and into the ground beyond it, where the clone vanished with a poof of smoke.

"What the hell?" Kakashi asked as he strained to keep the blood on the right side of his skin. The blood did not seem to agree and was doing its best to rush out the holes on either side of the man's thigh. Naruto panicked, glancing between the jonin, the hole in his leg and the bells on his hip. So Naruto did the most logical thing: Made a bunch of clones, took the bells and started marching the jonin to the medics.

* * *

Later, Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke were in front of the Hokage, looking a bit sheepish. Well, Naruto looked sheepish, and Sakura managed bashful, but the best Sasuke could do was sullen, which was a step up from his normal personality.

"_So..._ your jonin says you shot him with a bushin," the Hokage began. "Care to explain?"

"He told us to come at him with intent to kill," Sasuke grumbled, arms crossed as he enunciated more words than he had in the last year.

"Oh, he did, did he?" Sarutobi asked, his eyes trailing over to where Kakashi was lying in a bed. The one-eyed man shivered under the Hokage's gaze. "He left that little fact out of his report, although that could be due to the blood loss from the wound, and heavy narcotics they pumped into his system. And did you?"

"Attack with intent to kill?" Sakura asked.

"Precisely what I'm asking."

"Hn!" Sasuke replied, which was a fair approximation of confirmation to any who spent long periods of time with Uchiha.

"And you two?" Sarutobi asked. Sakura seemed to shrink under his gaze and shook her head. Naruto, on the other hand, was refusing to meet the old man's gaze. 'I'm getting too old for this shit,' he thought as he captured the blond boy's gaze. "Naruto, did you shoot your join instructor with a clone?"

"Um, yeah?" Naruto said.

"How exactly did you do that?" Sarutobi asked calmly.

"With my new technique?" Naruto replied, a little unsure of the answer. "He kinda scared me, and I reacted."

"And what technique would that be?"

"Dakka no Jutsu?" Naruto said sheepishly. He held up the bells. "I got the bells."

'I'm getting too old for this shit,' Sarutobi sighed to himself. "Very well, why don't you three go back home and I'll talk to your Jonin about what happened."

As soon as they were gone, Kakashi let out a sigh of relief.

"I don't know how he did it, or who gave them to him, but Naruto found his mother's unfinished technique," Kakashi told the Hokage. He winced a little as he shifted his weight around.

"Kushina's technique?" the Hokage asked as he sat down next to the masked jonin. "How so?"

"Sensei knew she was working on something, an answer to her weakness in long-range battles," Kakashi said with more than a little bit of awe and horror. "The result...well, it _wasn't_ pretty. If it wasn't for her regeneration, she would have been damn scarred."

"What happened?"

"Instead of shooting things off in the distance, it blew up in her face," Kakashi explained. "She wanted a long-range kunai launcher, but all the seal did was blow up the kunai she was using. Naruto must have fixed it."

"Fixed it how?"

"He doesn't shoot kunai, he shoots clones that he transforms into other things," Kakashi said with a wince as he gingerly moved his wounded leg. "He's just a kid; how'd he figure it out?"

"Well, I think, that with many issues with Naruto, that so long as he doesn't know it can't be done, he assumes there's a way, and nine times out of ten, he figures it out," Sarutobi replied. "That and the fact that he makes kage's jealous of his chakra capacity, something else he got from his mother. I'll look into how he got the techniques while you prepare your notes on how you're training your team."

"But I didn't pass them yet," Kakashi protested weakly.

"And yet they still got the bells," his superior reminded.

"But I didn't pass them," Kakashi protested.

"I think being able to disable a jonin shows that they're up to the task, don't you?" Sarutobi commented with a puff of his pipe. Kakashi was not amused, but acquiesced to his superior's decision. Sarutobi left the hospital and made his way back to the Hokage Tower. He slumped into the chair, looked at where the Forbidden Scroll was hidden and sighed.

"I'm getting too old for this shit."

* * *

Naruto was super happy. His team had passed and he was going to get some help with his new techniques. He was grinning wider than he had grinned since Iruka last paid for his Ramen, in other words, a wide, wide smile. He had his Dakka launcher propped against his shoulder as he marched down the street towards his favorite eatery. Sliding onto a stool, he set the metal monstrosity down and gleefully ordered a triple sized portion which he gleefully devoured with the gusto of a ravenous beast.

* * *

_Author's Note: So this is my version of the "Uzumaki clan members were crazy seal people" trope. Not finished, had some potential, but didn't pan out. This, like many other ideas I've had, were based on inspiration I got from other people's work either because I enjoyed the idea or because the idea annoyed me._

_For those who don't know, "Dakka" is the 40K Orkish term for "ammunition."  
_


	2. Genma the Ninja Panda

Eight year old Naruto arrived to the Academy exactly on time. This was the first clue Iruka had that told him something was wrong. The next was the bipedal panda in a training-gi that walked in right after the boy.

"Naruto," Iruka said slowly and calmly so as to not provoke the large mammal.

"Yeah, Sensei?"

"Care to explain why you have a panda with you?"

"He's my ninja-Panda!" the blond boy exclaimed excitedly.

"Naruto-" Iruka began before clenching his eyes shut and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Naruto, there's no such thing as Ninja Pandas."

"There's ninja dogs, why can't there be ninja pandas?" Naruto asked, pointing over to where Kiba and Akamaru were cowering from the giant creature. The tawny colored dog seemed to be using his human as a shield.

"Because they don't exist! Now where did you get the panda?"

"Well...it happened like this..."

Naruto started wiggling his fingers and making "doodily-doodily" noises.

"Naruto," Iruka asked with a sigh. "What are you doing?"

"Entering a flashback!"

* * *

Three days ago

Naruto came home from a long day at the Academy. To be honest, every day felt really long for the hyperactive boy, and this day was no exception. He trudged home, putting one foot in front of the other and slumped into a chair at his kitchen table after starting the ramen water to boiling.

And then a giant panda fell through the roof.

Naruto gawking, did nothing as the Panda stood up, scratched its head, grabbed the near boiling kettle off the range and poured it all over his head. The Panda screamed in pain at the high temperature, but looked down at its paws and started to cry.

* * *

"...and I thought that was pretty weird, cuz I didn't even _know_ pandas could cry," Naruto finished. He grinned up at his teacher, looking for praise that Iruka wasn't sure he should give out.

"So...a panda fell through your roof and started crying?" Iruka begged for clarification.

"Yup, and then he wrote a few questions on a sign he pulled out of nowhere to communicate," Naruto continued, making the story even less believable.

Iruka thought he might regret asking this but he went ahead and did anyway: "Just what did he say?"

"_**Growf**_!" Naruto replied instantly.

"I mean, what did he write on the sign?"

"Oh," Naruto said. "'_Nooooo! My curse is stuck!_' and '_Stupid master for sending me here_' and '_I'm hungry, feed me._' He wrote other things later on, but that's what he said that first day except for those questions that I can't remember."

Iruka glanced up at the rest of the class to see the panda fighting with Choji over a bag of chips. The panda won, dumping the contents of the bag into his gaping maw as he fended off the pudgy boy with one paw on his forehead as Choji's arms flailed wildly attempting to recover the precious substance. With the exception of the sleeping Shikamaru, the rest of the class was giving the beast a wide berth. This only allowed it to pillage other students' lunches, which it ate rather like a human.

Then the panda tried to relieve Sasuke Uchiha of his tomatoes.

There was a (_very_) brief moment of struggle before Sasuke went flying across the room at very high speeds and the boy's lunch went down the furry critter's gullet.

"Uh, w-why are you eating everybody's l-lunch, Mr. Panda?" Hinata Hyuga asked. The panda quickly pulled out a sign.

[Because I'm hungry,] the sign said.

"W-why do you use a-a sign to talk?" she asked.

"Growf!" said the panda a moment before he looked down in aggravation. It turned the sign over and scribbled a bit more. [Arrgh! Pandas can't talk!]

"He forgot he couldn't talk?" Shikamaru asked, seemingly still asleep. "Ugh, troublesome."

Iruka just shook his head.

"Naruto, just...just go sit down with your panda."

"YAY!"

* * *

After class, Iruka decided to bring the matter before the Hokage.

"Ah, Iruka, what brings the Academy instructor here, Naruto play another prank?" the old man asked.

"Well..." the instructor paused for a long moment before explaining that yes, Naruto was involved, but that it was a rather different involvement than most were expecting.

"Go on..." the Old Man told him.

"-and that's how all this is got started," Iruka finished a few minutes later.

"Fell through the roof of his home?"

"That's what he said repeatedly," Iruka reported. "And judging how it threw the Uchiha across the room, it's not a weakling either. As far as I can tell it isn't a genjutsu either, nor any other kind of illusion. I had the class practicing dispelling genjutsu techniques all day just to make sure."

"So, Naruto really does have a ninja panda," the Hokage mused as he leaned back in his chair, pondering the situation. "Of course this also means we need to repair is apartment. Again."

* * *

"...and that's how I got a panda!" Naruto told Ayame proudly as the blond boy and the Panda sat down to eat. Or they would have both eaten if the Panda hadn't stolen Naruto's ramen bit by bit via chopsticks while the boy was telling his story. The panda was hardly sympathetic at the boy's tear filled face as it poured the rest of the broth down its throat before holding out the bowl for more.

"Don't worry, Naruto, I'll make you another bowl," Ayame reassured.

"Thanks! You're the best!"

Naruto turned to glare at his new ninja animal companion, but the panda just held up a sign that said [eat faster next time] and went back to trying to eat Naruto's next bowl. 14 bowls later resulted in a very full panda and a very hungry Naruto. The 16th bowl was untouched by the near comatose panda, allowing Naruto to eat in peace.

* * *

The next morning, Naruto was awoken at dawn. This was highly unusual. What was even more unusual was the fast approaching sidewalk as Naruto flew out his window in a classic example of defenestration.

"What was that for?" Naruto demanded as he clung to a ledge on the second floor of the building.

[Time to train,] signed the Panda a moment before he kicked Naruto in the face. It was clear that even if he'd been thrown into another world and trapped in his curse form, he wasn't about to stop training. And it just so happened that he had the perfect punching bag that fed him and kept him dry. Ranma was getting pretty ungrateful anyways. He blocked a punch from the blond kid with a paw, then swept the kid's legs out with a kick. The kid glared at him, but the panda made a "come here" motion and encouraged the kid to attack again.

* * *

_Author's Note: Ranma 1/2 and Naruto, obviously. As equally obvious, I don't own them. This was my take on the "Ranma shows up to train Naruto due to some random event" cliché that seems to be most common for Ranma/Naruto crosses. I figured, why give him a good teacher, why not give him the worst role model from Ranma (arguably Happosai would be worse, but he'd actually be more par for the course in Naruto rather than the exception.) And so, I sent a glutenous panda into Naruto's life._


	3. Magneto Uzumaki

"Kill the demon!" someone bellowed and the blond boy hid in the shadows. It was his birthday and everybody wanted to give him a present of cold steel. Shuriken and kunai flew at the five-year old with pinpoint accuracy, flying towards his skull.

"STOP!" the boy yelled and the flying weapons did.

To the horror and amazement of all present, the weapons hovered in midair, pausing exactly where they were in flight, as if stuck in invisible jello. There was a long moment of silence as the drunken revelers tried to process what they were seeing, but it wasn't long before someone in the back of the mob, someone who couldn't see what was happening yelled for them to continue the assault. A knife from a kitchen was thrown at the boy over the shoulders of some citizens. Surprised, the boy didn't block this one and it flew right into his shoulder. The sudden pain shocked the boy into action and he screamed as tears streamed down his eyes.

He didn't even see the metal as it seemed to melt and curve around him, forming body armor that conformed with his very skin. Metal flew up out of the alley; junk that had been there for years; old kunai, rain pipes, sewer grates and all other types of iron based detritus. Some moved to protect the boy, to keep him from harm. The rest flew towards the attackers.

Naruto, hidden inside his metal shell, didn't see the junk slaughter the nearly thirty people in the mob. He stayed inside his shell, sobbing as the wound in his shoulder healed with unnatural speed due to the only birthday present his father ever gave him.

It would be hours before the Hokage would be informed of the attack. He would be informed that Naruto was the aggressor and that they cannot find him. And the latter part was true: Naruto was no longer on the scene, though not of his own volition.

* * *

"Is that the weapon?" an unknown voice asked, looking at the steel sculpture.

"Yes," a second voice replied without inflection.

"Begin training in the morning when it wakes up," the first man instructed.

* * *

Naruto never got lost.

Never.

The magnetic fields that allowed him to manipulate the actions of iron based metals, also allowed him to be in tune with the larger magnetic fields, something that allowed him to know exactly where he wanted to go. He could sense smaller fields that allowed for echolocation. He could sense the basic shape and size. Kunai and Shuriken meant ninjas. Head protectors meant ninjas.

And now he was surrounded by ninjas and he didn't know any of them.

Almost as soon as he awoke, the strange, unfamiliar, emotionless ninjas began pounding on his shell to extricate him. The pounding hammered repeatedly, keeping no steady beat. Naruto saw light for the first time in a day, and it was bright, even though it was just the interior lights that any office building had.

As soon as his shell had been peeled away from his body, Naruto was roughly pulled to his feet. The man holding onto his wrist was tall, with long red-brown hair. The man's face was utterly devoid of emotion. Naruto was used to emotion, everyone showed emotion, even if it was anger. Naruto was dragged from the room to a larger one with a mat in the middle. On the other side of the room, a short, purple haired girl cowering in fear. She was beaten, repeatedly, and the bruises were clearly that of an adult's fist, judging by the size, and Naruto knew about bruises far too well for a boy his age.

"Weapon," the man said, clearly addressing Naruto. "Kill that girl."

"I don't want to be here! Where's the Old Man?" Naruto demanded.

The auburn haired man struck the boy sharply across the mouth.

"Weapon! Kill that girl!"

"No! Bring me to the Old Man!" Naruto bellowed.

The pieces of steel in the man's leg pouch started to shiver as if alive, as if they were begging to be released.

"_Weapon! Kill that girl!_"

The glass mirror on one wall shattered as the steel frame twisted and bent. The onlooker took one startled step backwards, his near legendary composure broken for the moment. The concrete walls buckled as the rebar that ran their length writhed like snakes under the boy's unknowing control.

"NO! I WANT OLD MAN HOKAGE!" Naruto bellowed in both fear and rage, the stress of being attacked and then awakening in a strange place finally catching up to him.

* * *

All over Konoha, metal objects started aligning with the boy's location, the magnetic fields the boy was putting out pulled them closer, no matter if they were simple tools, childrens' toys or other objects. Sarutobi, worried about Naruto, having had his ANBU out looking for the boy, sat back in surprise as his steel and wood pipe flew from his hand to point downward. Compasses pointed directly to the new magnetic pole, the direction only shifting as the source of the disturbance fled from the ground using his powers to punch a hole through the earth and floors above him. It appeared to all witnesses that the metal from within simply bowed to him, letting him pass like Hyuuga branch house members when confronted by an angry Main House Elder.

Sarutobi jumped from the window and sprinted across rooftops, following his pipe as it, and so many other small objects flew towards the source. Like Kunai thrown by a jonin, the metal bits sank deeply into the intervening layers, allowing any ninja to easily pass through the resulting rubble. The Hokage only had to sink down two levels before he met Naruto coming up towards him. As soon as the tiny five-year old saw the only man he knew he could trust, Naruto threw himself at the old man. Tears ran down his face as he clutched onto the old man like a lifeline, the only stability and sense of safety of the boy's young life.

"I knew it!" the boy sobbed into the old man's robes. "I knew you'd save me!"

Still kneeling to allow the boy to hold onto him, Sarutobi looked up towards his ANBU. "I want to know what happened, and what really happened. I want to know about the alley and I want to know about this secret base, that I, the Hokage, was not aware of. You may gain this information with as much prejudice as needed, Kakashi."

The masked man bowed before he vanished in a swirl of leaves.

* * *

It wasn't hard for Kakashi to backtrack to where Naruto had been held. The hold built of the construction materials of the former subterranean base had been molded to the boy's will, allowing the ANBU to find the hideout without a sound. Trapped amongst the rubble were five people, one traumatized little girl and four adults. The girl was fine, but the men were pinned by steel rebar that folded itself back into the walls. Kakashi just knocked the girl out with a genjutsu. Almost lazily, Kakashi let his eyes fall on the ninja who looked back without emotion or identifiable reaction. He turned his head slowly, seeing another man lurking in the shadows. There was a spike of chakra and Kakashi was in action.

Surprised by the masked ninja's almost instantaneous change in behavior, the hidden ninja's head didn't go far when its connection to the neck was severed. The other three men struggled just as hard and with as much success. While their master must have been connected enough to escape, these three would do perfectly well as guests if Ibiki.

* * *

As the years passed, Naruto began to distance himself from the world that shunned him, soon having no desire to be in the company of anyone other than the Hokage and a few other select people. He did not actively hunt or intend to kill, but simply acted coldly to all who accosted him. He was still as of yet, unaware of what he had done, and it was all well and good, so far as Sarutobi was concerned.

Naruto still intended on becoming a ninja, although this was less for recognition and more with the intent on protecting the Old Man. He could care less about the other villagers. Why would he need a playmate when metal would bow to his every whim? Where other kids had wood blocks, Naruto was given various shapes cast in metal, often the roughest available, but the quality mattered little to Naruto. Outside of the Hokage himself, Naruto was his own companion.

Sarutobi, however, was worried about this cold, closed off Naruto. As much as he didn't want to think such thoughts, he found himself pondering what would happen should this Naruto lose control if one of the clan students went to far. This new Naruto did not take well to bullying. After long deliberations, the Hokage decided to train Naruto himself, or at least enough to allow the boy to pass the Academy examinations. It was quickly discovered that Naruto's strengths were in his massive chakra capacity and his Bloodline. Should the boy master his abilities, he would be near unstoppable. But before that, he needed chakra control.

* * *

_**Author's Note:** This is both my play at "Abused Naruto" and "Super-mega-bloodline Naruto." It's sort of an X-Men (Don't own it) cross with Naruto (don't own it either) as Magneto, but it didn't get very far. The basic idea was that somehow Naruto inherited the 3rd Kazekage's bloodline, "Iron Sand" however, instead of focusing on the minute bits of iron like they did in Wind Country, Naruto focused directly on worked magnetic fields. His "playing" with iron, making shapes and such, was his form of chakra control, but he was still able to manipulate things on larger basis as well._

_This was my basic outline:_

_1. Naruto is a kid in a "Konoha civilians are attacking me" kind of Konoha. At some point, he breaks and awakens the bloodline of the 3rd Kazekage that allows him to manipulate magnetic fields._

_2. The technique is based on chakra reserves, so Naruto is a whole heck of a lot more powerful than the 3rd Kazekage._

_3. Even in childhood, he messes up compasses and the like. As a baby, Kunai align themselves with his magnetic field_

_4. By the time Naruto graduates, he is roughly the same power level as Magneto in the comics and doesn't take any crap from anybody._

_5. Naruto makes a "metal clone" when he can't do the standard clone, so no Kage Bushin for him. Metal clones shatter into shrapnel when attacked._

_6. Naruto can "fly" by using the metal in his clothes to elevate him._

_7. Naruto wears an orange outfit similar to that of Magneto with the helmet and everything. The cape and armor are actually very, very, very fine chainmail, not cloth at all, but put together as only a master of magnetism could.  
_

_8. This is not a happy Naruto, but a darker version that sees the Hokage as his only friend._

_9. His massive power level has people fear him much more, especially when he can throw metal with a thought._

_When writing it, I didn't want to go the same route that many other authors did and give Naruto another damn eyeball mutation. I think it ruins Naruto to just give him the same thing that his enemies had. It's kinda boring in my opinion, I might add. This Naruto, while more powerful, is a lot more like Gaara in mentality, while still having certain specific Naruto traits. Or that was the plan. Just from what I had above, it was clear to most people, I'd fallen into the "Naruto in Name Only" hole that's tripped up so many others. But, well, Naruto as Magneto wouldn't quite work unless there was some major angst. Eventually, and not that far along, as you might have guessed, it fell by the wayside._

_Just another false start, I suppose._


	4. KalEl in Konoha

Naruto/Superman

* * *

**A strange visitor from another planet**

"Kal-El, my son, my only son," the recording said. "As I say these words my world is crumbling. The Council ignored my warnings and now Krypton, the world of your birth, is dieing. You are my last hope. The world that I am sending you is primitive, but they hold great promise. There is little time left for me, but I have included all my memories and the whole knowledge of Krypton in this crystal palace. I hope that one day it will become your fortress of solitude."

The young man with black hair and blue eyes ran a tired hand through his hair and let loose a great sigh.

"How troublesome."

* * *

13 years earlier:

"The Kyubi is attacking!" someone screamed.

The Naras ran, Shikaku protecting his very pregnant wife from debris as they ran through the streets of Konoha. It wouldn't be long now before the giant Fox breached the very walls of the Village of the Hidden Leaf. Then, just as Minato, the 4th Hokage road out on Gamabunta to confront the massive beast, the sky exploded with flames. The sky was filled with burning green rocks, flying from who knows where, pummeling Fox and human alike. Then, in the midst of it all, a silver object slammed on the Fox's head, knocking it out cold.

The silver object bounced, spun and skidded to a halt right in front of the Nara family. It opened with a hiss, revealing a baby smiling up at them.

They looked at the spaceship. They looked at the unconscious Fox. And then they looked at the sky as the last of the green projectiles fell to earth.

Shikaku shrugged.

"The orphanage paperwork would be too troublesome to fill out," he commented before holding the baby in his arms. Said baby grabbed his finger and promptly broke it. Wincing, the older ninja pondered how troublesome his life would become.

* * *

"Shikamaru, Douyouha, come to the table," their mother demanded. The two boys, both about the same size at Shikamaru's five years, (which they had also adopted for their adopted son, because it would be too troublesome to celebrate two birthdays), grumbled quietly as they sat up from their cloudwatching. They diligently ate breakfast and made their way to their first day at the Academy.

Once there, Shikamaru promptly nodded off, but Douyouha found it impossible to sleep with the sun out. Instead, the boy spent the entire day playing a shogi game in his head against an imaginary opponent.

* * *

When they were six, they discovered that Douyouha was much stronger than anyone else in his year. Mizuki-sensei discovered this the hard way when he was thrown out the wall of the classroom, out the window, over the next building and fell with a crash right outside the Ichiraku Ramen Bar.

* * *

The blue-eyed Nara boy was also much faster than anyone else in his year and at one point accidentally found himself in Wave. It took him a few days to get back, but it was too troublesome to explain to his mother where he'd been for the better part of the last week.

* * *

When they were seven, the two Nara boys received a shogi board for their birthday. They ignored Iruka for the rest of the year and just played against each other.

* * *

When they were eight, not much happened except for the Uchiha kid turning emo. Ends up there was some trouble in his clan's compound. Shikamaru and Douyouha just played shogi.

* * *

When they were nine, their father retired because he had decided it was more fun to feed deer than be a ninja.

* * *

When they were ten two things of importance happened. First, Douyouha discovered that weapons couldn't cut him and that, having fallen asleep one night on the top of the Konoha Monument, falling several hundred meters didn't hurt him. The Second was that the Nara boys discovered Go. They decided to play both Go and Shogi at the same time.

* * *

When they were eleven, a loudmouthed blonde joined their class, having failed the exit examination for the second time. He was quite the prankster.

* * *

They graduated when they were twelve. Shikamaru was put on a team with Ino and Choji, offspring of his father's teammates. Douyouha was put together with some other people whose names were too troublesome for the author to make up. His team failed the teamwork test because it was too easy for him to succeed on his own, but too troublesome for him to bother with. Shikaku decided to train his adopted son himself.

When they got to the family training ground, Douyouha tripped over his spaceship that was now half buried in the ground.

He raised an eyebrow as a way of asking for an explanation.

Shikaku sighed. "It's too troublesome to explain. Go ask your mother."

And that was how Douyouha discovered he was an alien.

* * *

There was a minor incident when Douyouha knocked out a giant raccoon, but other than that, not too much happened for the rest of their twelfth year. They turned thirteen after Shikamaru made Chunin, and Douyouha was given a place on a team with other people who were also too troublesome for the author to make up names for. And one day after practice, Douyouha was going through his spaceship and found a crystal. Giving it a little shake, the boy absently tossed it behind him. A rumbling started up and soon a big crystal palace grew from the ground. The deer looked at it, then looked at him for an explanation. The boy just scratched his head and walked inside.

And that brings us to the beginning of this fic.

"I expected you to build this in some out of the way place, like the arctic," Jor-El commented, obviously confused as to why the Fortress of Solitude was in some family's back yard.

"It would be too troublesome to go that far."

Soon his parents came home.

"Douyouha, honey, why is there a giant building made out of crystal in our back yard.

Douyouha looked at his mother. Turned and looked at the Fortress. Then he looked at the ground and scratched his head.

"It's too troublesome to explain, the old guy inside knows it better than me," the boy said.

His mother quickly forced him to give the entire story.

* * *

When the Sound Four took off with Sasuke so he could betray them, Douyouha discovered that he could fly and shoot fire from his eyes. So did Sasuke, in a rather permanent fashion.

The Hokage convinced him that it wasn't too troublesome to explain exactly what happened.

* * *

Years and Years later after Akatsuki and The Fourth Shinobi War and all that cannon stuff that the Author finds too troublesome to recant:

"Kneel before Zod!"

_Sigh..._

"No, because getting back up off the floor after is just too troublesome."

* * *

_AUTHOR'S NOTE:_

_Where am I going with this? Absolutely nowhere! It's a silly little think that got stuck in my head after my friends insisted that I read Naruto (which is actually a lot more complex and intense than I expected) and then we watched the Superman movie._

_I don't own Superman or Naruto._


	5. Tsunade and the Konoha Council

**Konoha's Council**

Tsunade sat at the end of a very long table with Konoha's Council. They were wearing their sucking-up faces that she recognized so well from when she was growing up. Being a Senju, the _last_ Senju no less, meant that everybody either wanted to get into her pants or her pocketbook or both. It seemed that taking after her grandfather and great-uncle hadn't changed things, if anything it made the sucking up even worse.

She smiled and nodded as they went on about how great they were and how important their jobs were to the whole village. They went on and on about how powerful they were, reminding her on how the Council had gained power since the 3rd Shinobi War. Then one said something wrong.

"And now that Sarutobi is gone, we can finally get rid of the demon brat," he said. The Council froze, not quite sure of her reaction, but Tsunade was on her feet and at the other end of the table before anyone could blink, reminding them that she was still a ninja. It took nothing more than a flick of her finger to sever the man's head, sending it flying up in the air. She snatched it with one hand and started to slowly walk around the table like a cat stalking its prey.

"Thank you for being here, and I appreciate your assistance in these troubled times," she said in a sweet, calm voice. "And I encourage you, all of you, to come to me if you have problems with how things are run and I assure you no topic is taboo." She glanced around the table and let her voice sharpen. "Except if you consort with traitors or talk trash about the only reason I'm back in the village. And if you insist, I collect your fucking head." She held up the head for all to see, eliciting gasps of horror at the sight. "Just like this Fucker here." Her sweet, so sweet smile returned and she glanced about the council table. "Any questions?"

* * *

Author's Note:

A bit of a different idea, and again, not one long enough to be it's own story. I don't have any other ideas for this one, it's just something that happened when I opened a new document. I like it. It's not perfect, but it sticks it to the "Super-powerful-bad-guy-Naruto-Hater Council" thing that bugs me a lot. In cannon, there is a council of advisors that consists of three people: Danzo, and the two elders. In fanfics, people have created this all powerful evil council that just wouldn't work. So, this was my answer. And yes, I stole those lines from Kill Bill. It's not mine.


	6. The Ultimate Technique

It had taken him years to perfect. After time and time of getting his butt handed to him by Sasuke, Obito/Tobi, Itachi, Madara and the fifty something other "last Uchihas" that popped up out of the wood work. Honestly, he'd stopped even trying to remember their names. Finally, he had the technique that beat the Ultimate technique.

This was something like Sasuke's surrogate son, the third or fourth that had been born during Sasuke's time as Orochimaru's "apprentice." Like his father, his uncle, and ancestors, this had killed his best friend/sibling/cousin/parent/tomato-gardener/masseuse/pet-sitter and gained the Mary-Sue Steal-Again. That wasn't the real name, but Hokage Naruto Uzumaki didn't really care.

The battle started with fire. Uchihas almost always start with fire unless they just started tossing out the big red eyes. After seeing Naruto totally kick his ass with wind, which was theoretically weak to fire, he inevitably turned on the Sharingans full blast. Normally in battle, Naruto would just use his "Don't be douchebag" no jutsu, which quickly turned enemies into allies, but it never seemed to work against Uchiha. Worked great against pretty much everyone else, even Hyuuga, but never against an Uchiha.

But Naruto was ready.

He held out his fore and middle fingers, spaced them out and charged, screaming "Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!" all the way. As expected, the Stooge-no-jutsu worked perfectly, forcing the boy to cover his pained eyeballs with his hands. Throwing a paper bag over the guy's head, Naruto then beat the most recent "last Uchiha" repeatedly until he stopped moving.

"See, I told you it would work!" Naruto said to his head of the Medical Corps, the Jonin Commander, and Anbu Captain. Sakura, Shikamaru and Neji just sighed and shook their heads.

"I believed in you," Hinata, his head of T&I said. She did not, however, say she believed in the technique.

"Thank you!" Naruto said before picking up the unconscious Uchiha. "Now let's see where this guy was born and why he showed up."

* * *

AN: Nutty, senseless, and silly. My uncle made me watch the Stooges over TG weekend. This was the result.


	7. Danzo the Fifth

Danzo was the Fifth Hokage, but not how he had expected it to come about. On this October 11th, the one-eyed man was simply the only choice after Jiraiya refused. The 4th and 3rd had died the previous night after the damn Fox escaped it's prison. Luckily it had quickly been sealed into a new container that was currently rolling around fitfully in his sleep in a basket on the Hokage's desk. The fact that it was sleeping at all was only due to a genjutsu, otherwise the child would still be screaming as it had for several hours previous. The infant, not even twenty-four hours old, was the container of the most powerful tailed beast.

"Naruto, Naruto, Naruto," the man muttered under his breath, pondering the situation. "What am I going to do with you?"

Rumors had escaped, of course. The villagers knew that a child was the new container, and civilians being uneducated idiots, thought that it was just a new form for the demon. When ANBU and ROOT first heard the rumors, Danzo had quickly set up 14 different counter rumors and instructed off duty ANBU to spread them, allowing only a few to know the truth. Nine of those rumors focused attention on the greater clans of Konoha, specifically on their children, though only descriptions of the children were given, not names. Danzo felt this was especially important, considering there was strong evidence that at least one of the clans was responsible for revealing Naruto's status to the general populace. The misinformation would keep any one child from being persecuted and prevent the information from being considered credible to other factions, nations and villages.

It was enticing to have the boy trained as a weapon, but now that it was his choice, Danzo wasn't so sure it was the _correct _choice. The Fourth was not a soft man. Kindly, yes, but no one could ever accuse him of being weak-willed or soft. He had become a legend in just a few small years and was easily the most powerful Kage since the First Hokage, outstripping most others who had held similar titles. He was a man Danzo had learned to respect, even if it took some time at first. He glanced at the basket on his desk. That boy could easily become his father's equal if trained properly, something that ROOT and ANBU were not equipped to deal with.

There was a reason that ROOT recruited at no earlier than age five. There had been attempts in other villages at raising infants to be emotionless drones, but they were inevitably failures as the children were unable to function in most situations outside of training and almost always broke. The greats, the legends, even those who were best at suppressing their emotions, were raised to be people. Treating an infant like he did his ROOT would only give him an unstable child with a malicious creature inside of him. One only had to look at Suna or Kumo's past failures to know that was a bad idea. While the latest container of the Ox was stable, the others were not, lasting little more than a year at most, a few weeks for the least.

No, Danzo would have to go another route. He pulled out a pair of new mission scrolls. Wetting a brush with ink, he set about filling them in. Glancing around his new office After the task was complete,, he stood up and made his way to the window. "Get me Jiraiya," he commanded simply. The only sign that his ROOT had been there at all was a slightly unnatural breeze and a single leaf spiraling in the wind. The old scarred man didn't have to wait long.

"Danzo," Jiraiya said unhappily. The Fifth Hokage could see the displeasure and borderline disrespect in the man's eyes. It did not take a genius to know the man did not approve of Danzo's appointment, but that was his own fault for refusing the position.

"Jiraiya," Danzo said, handing the man two scrolls. "These are your orders. They are to be completed immediately."

"Orders? We both know I've been running my network and I cannot ignore it for long," the toad summoner replied, barely keeping his temper in check.

"The situation here is unstable," Danzo replied, staring out at the Konoha Monument where his face would soon be carved. "There is no discipline, no order. If I had not acted quickly, rumors of the situation would have nearly started riots. I'm currently tracking down the leak."

"To shut it off?" Jiraiya asked, surreptitiously glancing at his godson.

"To plug it with a Kunai, if necessary," Danzo corrected. "The child cannot allowed to die, nor can it be just thrown into an orphanage as if it is just another infant turned orphan like the others. Rumors die out, but truth stands tall." He turned to stare darkly at the younger man. "The truth will come out, hopefully when I want it to, but recent events suggest that is unlikely. You are to read those scrolls and follow them to the letter."

Jiraiya opened the first scroll and looked up in shock, his gaze shifting between the basket and Danzo. "You want me to take him to the toads?"

"Yes," Danzo said. "The toads, so long as they are allies to the Leaf, make us strong. This is a symbol of trust between us, and added protection for the child. When the time is right, he will be trained and eventually brought back."

"The toads are great allies," Jiraiya said carefully, "but they know almost nothing about humans. They aren't prepared for caring for a child, even less so than I am. Food, cleaning, training, it's all far from what he needs."

"I've already selected a wet-nurse," Danzo replied. "The other scroll is for the boy's caretaker."

"I assume I'm to take them along for a reverse summoning?" Jiraiya inquired.

"Yes, I'm sure you can convince the toads to assist us in this," Danzo said in a voice that made it clear failure was not an option. "Oh, and inform the caretaker that she and her apprentice will be hunted down as Missing Ninjas if they do not comply."

Jiraiya shot him a dark look, but nodded and vanished in a swirl of leaves and wind. Danzo picked up a third scroll from his desk and passed it to a hidden ANBU. "Retrieve her."

* * *

The Uchiha clan was not used to dealing with outsiders. This might seem strange on some level, but as one of the two founding clans, the Uchiha had enjoyed a certain amount of autonomy for most of Konoha's existence. So when an ANBU appeared in the middle of a clan meeting and walked up to the Clan Head's wife, they were rather disturbed.

"What is the meaning of this disruption?" demanded one elder, his eyes already spinning red. The ANBU moved nothing but his head, the animal mask staring at the man with no hint of emotion.

"Mikoto Uchiha, you have been reactivated," The ANBU said in perfect monotone. The uproar was instantaneous, the entire clan yelling in outrage at the idea of the interruption and the reactivation of a retired mother only added to it.

"But I-" she said in stunned response, holding her infant son to her chest.

"You are ordered to report to the Hokage immediately," The ANBU said, cutting her off. "Failure to comply will be considered an act of treason by the Uchiha Clan and dealt with appropriately."

The clan elders might have been screaming in outrage, but the ANBU's ninja-to cut off the discussion, the blade touching the neck of the first Elder to stand up. "Jonin Mikoto Uchiha, you are to follow the directions in this scroll explicitly. Do you understand your orders as I have relayed them?"

"Yes, I do," Mikoto replied with a slight bow. The man vanished as quickly as he arrived. She clutched Sasuke to her chest and left the room without even glancing at her fellow Uchiha.

* * *

The orders were formal, direct, and slightly horrific. Mikoto read them in shock as she fed Sasuke. She had orders to pack for her and her infant son, but nothing else. Other than to the Hokage's office, no one would know where she was going. Judging by the secrecy, it was an infiltration mission that required a recent mother, but there was little to support that theory. With Danzo as the new Hokage, it could easily be anything. If it had been the 3rd or the 4th, she might have been able to convince them to choose someone else, but Danzo always had several levels to everything he did. While with Sarutobi, one might have to "look underneath the underneath." With Danzo, one would have to look underneath the underneath to find a clue that was probably a false trail so you do the opposite and discover something that doesn't make sense unless you stand on your head at 3:47am and look at the new clue to find what was underneath the underneath of that. The man lived and breathed ninja politics in the worst way, especially since he was fanatically loyal to Konoha.

Unfortunately, she was over-complicating the situation. Sometimes you need a precision tool for a specific job. Sometimes you can just use a blunt hammer, which is exactly what Danzo had just done. It was the first swing in hammering down the Uchiha nail, something Danzo had felt needed to be done for decades. Mikoto was the only Uchiha to have given birth in the last eight years; her first being born almost exactly nine months after the peace treaty that ended the Third Shinobi War. Danzo was, in his own way, being rather blunt by choosing the Clan Head's Wife for the task. By reminding them that any Jonin, regardless of situation, could be recalled, the one-eyed man was telling them that he was Hokage, that he was the power in Konoha, not the Uchiha Clan.

She packed her things, sealing all of hers into one scroll and all of Sasuke's into another, pausing only to burp the baby. She left a quick note for her husband (who was already on his way to protest against the orders), she made her way through the streets, clutching Sasuke to her chest the entire way. Itachi would lose his mother as surely if she were dead. It pained her to think of what would happen to the boy without her influence to temper Fugaku's stern and occasionally volatile nature.

"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!" Fugaku screamed at the Hokage. Danzo looked up with his one eye. It wasn't a glare. It was more of an appraisal. Danzo inspected Fugaku and found him wanting, like someone looking at a carton of milk passed its sell-by date. He never stopped looking at the ranting Uchiha when he spoke to his hidden bodyguards.

"If he activates the Sharingan, kill him," Danzo said, staring quite specifically at the man's nose. Fugaku looked at the newly appointed Hokage with horror, the rant DOA mid-sentence at the old man's words. "Are you done?"

Danzo pushed himself upright with his cane. "Perhaps I was too subtle for the Uchiha," he said, looking at the Monument once more. "Or perhaps I was not subtle enough." He turned around to face his verbal assailant. "Funny how the Uchiha clan suffered so few casualties yesterday."

Fugaku stopped, pondering what the statement could mean. Danzo continued. "Interesting considering who was responsible for the only other time the Fox attacked Konoha." Danzo could almost hear the gears grinding in the prideful man's head. "I wonder how long it will take the community at large to note similar observations." He paused a moment. "After all, one would think that Fugaku Uchiha was Hokage instead of me with the way he came in here and ranted. One might reach the conclusion that he feels the Ninja Rules don't apply to the Uchiha Clan." He turned and stared challengingly at the man. "Do you, Uchiha? Do you think you don't have to answer to the Hokage? Do the Uchiha think they're a separate village that only shares a few walls with Konoha?"

The man's previously flushed face turned pale. "No, Hokage," Fugaku said quickly.

"No, what?"

Fugaku, swallowing his pride as if it were a sea urchin, spines, shell and all, answered quickly. "No, the Uchiha Clan does not believe we are a separate village in Konoha."

"Good," Danzo said. "Because it isn't." He nodded towards the door. "Your clan had best remember that, because I won't forget it."

Fugaku bowed with precisely the correct amount for a Hokage, turned and left the room without another word.

* * *

It was disturbingly easy for Jiraiya to find his target. Unlike other instances when Sarutobi or Minato had asked him to look for her, it had taken weeks, sometimes up to a month. This time she was exactly where he thought she'd be: at the Fire Country Sake Festival, a week long celebration of booze and losing money, though the latter was a bit more of an informal celebration. Tsunade was right where he thought she'd be.

He hadn't been able to properly mourn for his sensei, his student and Kushina. There hadn't been enough time. He knew that someday soon it would hit him and he'd cope like he always did: get extra stinking drunk and get laid. But for the immediate future, he had a mission to complete.

"Hey," he said, slipping into the seat across from his old teammate.

"What do _you_want?" the blonde woman demanded, her booze threatening to slosh out of it saucer. Jiraiya handed her the scroll, though she probably wouldn't be able to read it until she sobered up.

"New orders from the Hokage," he said simply.

"What, does your brat of a student think he's going to change my mind?" Tsunade asked drunkenly.

"Minato is dead," Jiraiya said flatly. "Sarutobi-Sensei as well."

She grunted and slipped the half full saucer up to her lips. "Always knew that job was a death sentence. You can take it back. I'm done with Konoha."

"The Fifth Hokage, Danzo Shimura, has commanded me to inform you that if you do not agree to this mission, you, and your apprentice will be considered missing ninjas and treated accordingly," Jiraiya explained flatly. His old teammate's eyes grew hard. "I'm not joking Tsunade. I never thought the Fire Lord would choose him after I turned the hat down."

"How long?" she asked.

"How long what?"

"How long ago did this happen?" she elaborated. Jiraiya sighed and ran his hands over his face, feeling every line, scar and crease.

"Damn, I was sure rumor would have arrived ahead of me," Jiraiya mumbled as he poured himself a saucer from Tsunade's bottle. He swallowed the entire thing in one gulp, grimacing at the rather poor quality. "Three days ago, your grandmother's successor's seal failed during labor. Sensei and Minato sacrificed themselves to protect Konoha and transfer the package to a new courier." He refilled the saucer. "I was asked an hour afterward the transfer. Danzo accepted ten minutes after I refused."

"And how long are you going to give me to run?" Tsunade asked.

"None at all," Jiraiya replied coldly. "Take the damn mission, Hime. Don't make me kill you, and you know I'd have to." She looked at him with confusion, as if she couldn't believe that he would actually go through with it. "I don't like that they chose Danzo. You don't like that they chose Danzo. But _they-chose-Danzo_. He is Hokage, not me, not you, not Minato, not Sarutobi-Sensei, not your great-uncle, and not your grandfather. _Danzo_."

"Why me?" Tsunade asked.

"You know as well as I do that any Special Jonin and up can be reactivated at any time. He's not playing around," Jiraiya said, setting the saucer down. "He's still the same warhawk he's always been, only this time he's got the Hat and the Fire Lord's blessing. He's not going to be as soft with you as Sensei or Minato were. He's consolidating his power within and without the walls of Konoha. He won't show weakness. You, regardless if you think so, could be a threat to him, so he's not-so-subtly putting you in your place."

"I won't go back to Konoha," Tsunade said. "There's nothing there for me."

Jiraiya pushed the scroll across the table and stood up. "Read the orders. I'll be back tomorrow when you're sober," he said. She grunted at his back and he glanced at her over his shoulder. "Tsunade, don't try to run. Really."

* * *

Tsunade looked at the scroll. She hadn't opened it yet, just sat in her room, staring at the rolled up paper. It was the slightly yellowed paper that came from Konoha, something to do with the trees started by her grandfather, the First Hokage. Along one side was a red band that she knew ran the full length of the scroll when unfurled. Fire Red, the colors of the Hokage, a special hue which no one else in Fire Country was allowed to use.

She'd received them before, for missions and such. But then they had always been from Sarutobi, her childhood Sensei and Hokage. She barely remembered her Great-Uncle's reign. She'd not really been able to spend time with the man since he was so busy. Her own Sensei had become Hokage when she was a freshly minted Chunin in the midst of that particular war.

Things had been different then. It was not uncommon for a Jonin Instructor to be taken away from his or her Genin to join up with their old team for missions. She'd been training at the Hospital when her Great-Uncle died. She didn't even know until Sarutobi was wearing the hat.

It had been decades since then. So much had happened. More wars. Loved ones found. Loved ones dead. Travels with her apprentice. Drinking and losing money. Losing _lots_ of money.

With a deep sigh, she pulled the scroll towards her and bit her thumb, careful not to look at the blood. Closing her eyes, she spread the blood across the edge and waited for the seal to open.

She took a deep breath, then another. She channeled chakra through her thumb and wiped the remaining blood away before opening her eyes.

Tsunade Senju read the scroll and grimaced.

Looks like she'd be headed back to Konoha after all.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

That's what I've got thus far. Basic idea is Naruto raised by the Toads, Jiraiya, Mikoto Uchiha, Tsunade and Shiuzune along side Sasuke.

I don't know how Sasuke would turn out, but he'd be more of an In-Name-Only Sasuke since he would have an almost completely different upbringing.

I see Naruto being more competent, but still fun loving, friendly, and kind of spunky in personality. I have half an idea of Naruto being groomed into the 6th Hokage by Danzo himself when they return to Konoha. I think he'd try for a blend of himself and the 4th Hokage, since Naruto's got a lot of irrepressible qualities. They wouldn't tell the village at large of the Fox, but explain raising Naruto in secret because of his parents. His ancestry would be revealed when he returned

As for Konoha, it would be a bit more militarized then it is in the Manga. This isn't the same Danzo who almost makes Orochimaru look like a nice guy, but he's still a war hawk who's fanatically nationalistic. This Danzo uses manipulation, rumor, gossip, and politics like stilettos between ribs. I don't see this Danzo as being picky, but the type to never throw away a tool so long as it has a use. Someone like Sakura, for example, would be trained specifically for certain roles like non-combat medic or researcher.

I see the Academy focusing much equally between practical ninja skills and knowledge. For example, Sakura would never be Konoichi of the Year based on her brains alone and she'd be forced to work much harder for her place. They'd be forced much more and trained harder than what we saw in the manga. Graduation would be based more on an overall, unbiased evaluation of a student's skill set, rather than pass/fail based on three techniques. There might even be more focus on tracts of education based on skill set instead of a general base starting at Genin, instead of the traditional Jonin Instructor set up. The evaluations at graduation would select what tract the new genin would go into, so failure in one field might not mean complete refusal. Others who flunk out overall, might end up a clerks in various offices since every society requires some amount of red tape when it gets to a certain size.

Clans would start losing their autonomy and become closer to Konoha as a whole instead of being little fiefdoms of power and skill. Starting with the Uchiha clan, he'd try to spread their power out. They would no longer be in complete control of the Military Police, and would be spread through the ranks of all divisions. He'd fill the empty police spots with other clans, especially the Hyuga, since they'd be useful for investigations.

The Hinata Kidnapping incident might bring Konoha much closer to war. I could see Danzo taking hostages to enforce treaties and using them when those treaties were broken.

I don't see the Uchiha Massacre going quite the same way in this one, though. It might turn into a real rebellion. Or it might not happen at all. Not sure on this one.


End file.
